Hiding
by lm25pc
Summary: 3 monthsish post 4.11 they are still doing what they do best avoiding and walking away, just from others.. maybe the'll move towards each other? merder
1. In the Dark

**AN - I know 2 unfinished fics. They are finished in my head.. This was an itch I had to scratch.. Anyway don't own Greys yadda yadda.. **

She sat on the bed of the on call room, light off, head cradled in her hand. Just when she'd thought life couldn't get any crappier it did.

She stiffened as she heard the door spring open, someone move quickly inside, and firmly but gently close the door behind them, then slowly turn the lock as if trying to hide it's action.

She let out a sigh as she recognised the person tiptoeing towards the bunk beds.

"Hey" she whispered

"Shit" he exclaimed jumping in the air, looking fraught.

Despite her own inner turmoil she couldn't help but giggle at the sight before her as he jumped and flailed and finally settled.

"Fuck Mer, are you trying to kill me" he asked

"No" so giggled "well I may have wished you dead a few times in the last few weeks.. but trying to kill right now.. no".

He had the grace to look bashful as he lowered himself down onto the side of the bed beside her.

"Anyway, what are doing, are you hiding" she asked, as a thought dawned on her she grimaced "ohh.. are you hiding from me?" she added

"What, no, I mean, yes, hiding, but, no, not from you"

"Ok" she giggled

"Anyway, what are you doing here, sitting in the dark, are you hiding too?" Derek, took the best form of defense he always knew – attack.

"Yeah" she sighed, hiding" her light expression fading to a frown

"Ohhh" said Derek on a long breath out "oh from me?"

"No, not from you, not right now, mind you, I have been hiding, well, avoiding, you, and the pl.., I mean Rose, but no, in the Meredith Grey 'life is fucked' show, I have new, well new as in Seattle new, but recycled, as in you, know, time issues to hide from" she blurted

Derek paused as he rolled as much as her statement as he caught around in is head finally he admitted "Sorry, I'm out of Meredith-Freak practice, I missed most of that".

She sighed at looked up into his eyes, finding a depth of emotion rather than the impassiveness she had assumed, she sighed and shrugged "I said, yes I'm hiding, but no not from you"

"Oh, ok" he replied

"Ok"

They both sat in the semi dark looking at the far wall of the on-call room. Each lost in their own thoughts. They would have imagined when they sought refuge in this room that they would be lost in thoughts of the troubles and turmoils that led them here. Instead they were each playing their own technicolour, silent movie of trysts, and spats, and closeness all played out by them in this room or one just like it.

Just as Meredith was about to be tipped over into porny actions by the slow motion replays running in her head, she pulled back to the brink of now and reality.

"So who are you hiding from?" she asked, her voice slightly husky

His head moved sideways to look at her, and she could spot the telltale lust reflected in the corner of his eye "Oh, my Ex" he replied, clearing his throat.

She frowned and started to say "you said you weren't.."

"No, not you" he interjected

Her brain addled with the mess that had forced her to find refuge in this room in the first place, coupled with the nearness and Derekness of him, was still processing this as he asked "So who are you hiding from?"

"My Ex" she blurted, her mind still stuck a statement back

"Me" he queried

"No, no" she waved her hand

"George?" he asked

"WHAT?" she replied, that question occurring to her confused state as a complete non-sequitor. "Oh" she gasped as she realised what her was referring too" "Nooooooo" she grimaced

He wryly smirked at her reaction, then frowned "Oh, is Finn back" he asked.

"Who" she asked

"You know, Finn, Vet, Dead Wife, Plans.. Finn" he gestured with his hands for emphasis.

"Oh, no" she shook her head, lightly, with much less venom than her previous denial.

They sat silent for a few moments as both their troubled minds churned.

"Ahhh" Meredith finally exhaled "Addison's here?"

"Oh is she" Derek asked distractedly "why?"

" I don't know, why she is here, but why are you hiding from her, I thought you parted on ok terms?" Meredith asked exasperatedly.

Derek turned fully to look at Meredith as if her face held the answers to life, well at least to her random questions. "I'm not hiding from Addison" he finally offered

"Oh"

"Is she here?" he asked confusedly

Meredith looked up at him and his confuzzled expression "not that I know of, unless you are hiding from her".

"Oh so, no, no Addy" he replied

"Ok" she answered as they continued to stare into each other's eyes, their overwhelming chemistry tugging them to lean into each other. As their lips neared, Meredith snapped back.

"Is an old college flame visiting you too?" she queried in a high-pitched voice

"what, no" he replied, "oh, so your ex is a college ex?" he asked

She nodded and waved her hand absently in agreement as she tried to solve his puzzle rather than work on her own problems. The likely explanation started to dawn on her and she tried hard to stifle feelings of joy and hope as she searched her mind for alternatives.

Meanwhile Derek finally noticed that Meredith was fighting a similar battle to his own of 'name that ex'.. After a few moments of silence they both blurted out

"So, you broke up with Rose?

"So, I broke up with Rose!"

"Oh, ok" she smiled as she absorbed this fact

"Ok" he smirked as he absorbed her smile

The continued to smile and smirk at each other and that chemistry tug pulled hard as they leaned in closer.

Derek raised his hand to cup her chin. Then paused mid air an pulled his head back

"What Ex.. I thought you'd "never done this before"" he air quoted.

**AN - So I keep trying to think of non cheesy ways this can be fixed on TV.. cause all the good post 4.11 fanfics have way more dialogue & thought process explanation than we'd ever get in a whole season of merder... so I keep imaging scenes that migt be on TV & go from there (hence the shrinks waitng room (which yes I will update) & this..).**

**Anyway, my other issue is this, I can only write when I'm tipsy & I've been on a get fit campaign which led to not much alcohol.. so I dried up... lol.. so will try & conquer my fear of writing sober.. if you review enough ;-)**


	2. Liar Liar Pants on Fire?

"I thought you said you'd never had a boyfriend before" Derek challenged

A dusky pink started to spread on Meredith's cheeks as she pulled her face from his hand. "I did" she murmured.

"You did" he repeated "you lied" he blurted. For all her avoidyness Meredith had always been, or so he thought, truthful with the things she did reveal. 

"I don't lie" she hissed out between clenched teeth.

"But you said…" he started

"I know what I said" she hissed again, and then she relaxed and added "I didn't lie" she added again

"Ok" he offered, wanting to avoid pissed off Meredith and get back to the weird but jovial encounter they were having.

"But then.." he tried again.

Meredith cut him off by leaping from the side of the bed and waving her hands in the air "look" she said "I didn't lie. You know, kind of like you never lied about having a wife". She stood facing him, hands on her hips.

Derek looked up at her from his perch on the bed. He knew he should be concentrating on what she was saying. Meredith in a flap needed concentration to understand, even when they were in synch. But she looked so damn adorable standing there, her little hands bunched into fists on her hips, one of those hips thrust forward in a stance if defiance, her hair tousled from the head cradling she had been doing, her eyes ablaze with the lust that seemed to envelope them whenever they were in close proximity, her cheeks flushed from.. 

"You have a husband?" he shouted jumping from the bed to stand in an similar defiant stance to hers.

"What" she yelled "No. God don't be so literal, that's not what I meant"

"Well what did you mean" he huffed still standing facing her, but the anger draining as he relaxed relieved there was no Mr Meredith Shepherd hiding in the wings.

"I meant, well, you know" Meredith's hands dropped from her hips and her stance relaxed "that I didn't, lie, I just never told you everything, about me, from, well, before you"

"I'm confused" he finally admitted., slumping resignedly to sit back on the bed.

"Me too" she offered joining him.

"About me or you?" he asked

"Both" she giggled.

He laughed with her, having no real idea what they were laughing about, but glad to be interacting with her like this. Even with the bits of shouting and glaring.

Their laughter died down and they sat in companionable silence for a moment, lost in their own thoughts. Meredith dropped her shoulder and nudged Derek on the arm "So" she said "you broke up with Rose"

"I broke up with Rose" he confirmed


	3. Passing?

"And your hiding from her?" Meredith asked

"Yes?"

"Why?"

"Why the break up or why the hiding?" he asks

"Both I guess" she answers

"I broke up with her because it wasn't going to go anywhere. She is nice, she is sweet, she wants the same things as me" Derek notices Meredith tense beside him and sees her staring at her hands in her lap.

He turns her face upwards and looks at her as he says "but she isn't…"

"Don't" Meredith gulps

Derek pauses, and continues "..but I'm not in love with her and I can't see it happening, it would be a compromise, and not fair on her, or me"

"Ok" Meredith breaths happier with that answer. They smile at each other again. Derek knows there are about a hundred steps to go before they are fixed, but he feels like they are taking the first one or two.

"So why are you hiding?" she asks

"Different points of view" he sighs

"Pardon"

"She disagrees that true love is essential, she feels that compatability is fine, and that compromise would be worth it to be Mrs Rose Shepherd" he grimaces

"Oh" she looks at him wide eyed

"So yeah, big campaign to make me see the error of my ways" 

"Which involves?" Meredith asks

"Which involves, lots of crying, some yelling, which you know, I probably deserve for stringing her along when I knew all along she wasn't the one for me" he pauses and gives her a McDreamy look.

Meredith melts a little into his gaze. "So you're hiding from crying and yelling fair enough"

"Well no, not really I can handle the crying and yelling.. It's the lecturing me on how screwed up you are I refuse to listen to" he answers after a pause

"Oh" she gulps

"Meredith, I refuse to listen to it, because it's not true. Sure you have issues, but hey after dating miss perfectly imperfect for 2 months, I know I do too"

She pauses as she looks into his eyes seeing nothing but honesty there "Oh, Ok"

"So you're not furious"

"At her" she calrifies

"At her, at the situation, at me" he offers

"Not at her I guess, I know it hurts to lose McDreamy, I can give her a leave pass on bagging me, for a while anyway" Meredith shrugs. "At you, sad a bit, furious not so much"

"Your being very… nice about all of this" 

"Yeah, well" Meredith shrugs and smiles at him

Derek remembers why they are both hiding out and that he hasn't solved her riddle of an ex. The calmness with which Meredith has discussed Rose with him, makes him consider an answer, with an unreasonable shot of pain.

"Oh, It's a recent ex" he sighs "You've been dating?"

"No, not recent. No dating" she shakes he head and looks at her lap again

"Not dating?" he swallows the rest of the question as he knows, as much as it hurts he has no right to question how she has fixed what he broke.

"No, nothing, no dating, no hook ups, nothing" she states

"Nothing?" he asks

"Just waiting" she shrugs her hands now twiddling with each other

"Waiting?" he asks again, stuck like a parrot repeating her statements as he is not sure what to think.

"Yeah waiting, waiting, well for you, or for it to pass" she finally whispers out

"You've been waiting?" Derek asks in surprise

"Yes well someone had to, you weren't going to" she states

"Oh" he breaths and they fall into another silence.

Meredith breaths in and says into the silence "And you know I've tried, begging, dating, one night stands, knitting, booty calls with you. And none of that work, I just figured neither of us had tried waiting, so I am. Waiting, for you, or for it to pass, whichever comes first"

"Oh" he breaths again

She smiles shyly up at him in return.

"Has it passed" he asks a hopeful tone evident in his voice

"Not yet" Meredith half smiles

Derek breaths a breath of relief and smiles his McDreamiest smile at her. "Ok he said, grabbing her fingers and entwining them with his"

Meredith shakes her head at him "that doesn't mean you can waltz back into my life like nothing…"

"Shhh" Derek whispers as he places a finger against her lips "I've been and ass, I know that, but if you've waited and it hasn't passed, does that mean at least we can start taking those hundred little steps you talked about, and while were doing that I can make it up to you".

"two hundred" she replies

"but you said 100.."

"and you said to take the rest of faith , and you'd sign, and you'd turn up, and you'd wait.." she peters out her point made. 

"Ok" he sighs "two hundred steps"

"One hundred and seventy five" she smiles squeezing his hand.

Derek looks at her quizzically.

"Oh, you, admitting you did something wrong. Big, huge step, worth at least 25 little ones" she wiggles her shoulders and giggles at him.

Derek hesitates for a moment, almost ready to become offended at her words, but she is right he knows that, and her giggle and smile are too infectious. He leans down towards her, desperate to seal the start of this journey back to each other with a kiss, when the sharp beeping of a pager fills the room.

"Shit" Meredith breaths out as she looks at hers. 

"911?" he asks, annoyed at the interruption, but understanding and hopeful that what they have started will survive a wait of a few hours.

"No" she sighs, running her hands through her hair again, the relaxed demeanour she had developed disappearing again.

"Oh" he said "the Ex"

Yeah she grimaced looking at him from the corner of her eyes "The Ex"

"So who is this Ex?" he asks.


	4. Rebellion

Meredith stares at her pager as she ponders how to answer Derek's question. Derek realises she is stressed to answer him on this when he realises she is worrying her bottom lip with her teeth,

"Mer" he soothes as he rubs her back "just tell me, it can't be that bad, it's your past right, before me, I'm not going to judge you on that".

She glances up at him and flicks him a short smile in response.

After a few more minutes of silence Derek sulkily says "so does this add another 25 steps back on, the fact that you still wont ever open up to me"

Meredith rolls her eyes at his tendency to move to a sulk as soon as he doesn't get her way. "Derek" she growls warningly "It's just, complicated and well, awkward"

Derek realises he is heading towards a mood and that it won't help either of them. "Ok", he offers "I'll ask questions and you answer"

"Ok then" she agrees, she does want to open up to him, but doesn't know how to start

"When was this?" he asks

Meredith sighed and twisted her watch once more then looked up at Derek, "Just before med school.."

"When you took the year off"

"Yes"

"So Europe.."

"Yeah last semester at Harvard, then Europe.."

"Wow, that's long for a non-boyfriend, non-relationship"

"That's not a question" Meredith states

Derek frowns and her and Meredith shrugs "Maybe I was the only one who thought we weren't in a relationship" she sighed.

"Oh, different points of view" Derek repeats from earlier

"Yeah I guess"

"Ok, so they thought you were in a relationship, you didn't"

"Yeah pretty much"

"So you ended it when you realised that?"

"I tried, but we were in Europe, and I was having fun, so I was I guess, vague about it.."

"Vague"

Meredith cringes "Yeah, vague, I just kind of pulled away"

"Oh" you avoided he states

"Yeah I guess" she says offering him a wry smile

"And it ended like that?" he asks

"No, they didn't get the hint, I was working up the courage to be mean and just end it, when Ellis saved the day."

"Ellis?"

"She'd never approved of us being together and I guess that is part of why I didn't end it earlier. You know pink hair had grown old, I needed some new rebellion."

"So if you stayed in it partly because of Ellis, how did she help you end it?" he said getting more confused by the moment. Underlying anger was starting to bubble away at him as well, despite her adamant denial, how could she not see something that spanned at least six months, and that her mother was clearly aware of, that involved overseas travel together could not be constituted as a boyfriend. He bit his tongue for once though cause at least she was talking.

"She got sick" Meredith looked up at him at raised her eyebrows "I guess it was one consolation in that. It helped me end the mess I was in. I left Europe came home to look after her, and went to med school, the rebellion was over"

Derek nodded he knew there had been a shift around that time, and this helped him put some of the pieces of things she had told him.

"So why is he back after all this time?"

Meredith cringed at his question "Seems word of Ellis's death has spread"

"Oh" Derek frowned "Oh so he feels now that Mommy Dearest has gone you'll fall back into his arms?" he asked

"You could kind of say that" Meredith laughed nervously 

Mad as Derek was that there was some guy roaming the halls of Seattle Grace who thought he had some claim on Meredith, and that she was clearly skirting the truth about the definition of their relationship. He was glad she was opening up to him. Unfortunately their heart to heart was interrupted by a loud knocking on the door.

"Meredith, I know you're in there" Meredith flopped back against the wall with a loud sigh as Derek's face registered shock as the firm, loud, but definitely female voice continued "You can't hide forever you know".

"Oh" he spluttered "not a boyfriend"

"No" Meredith sighed loudly.


End file.
